Just Hi

Hi Honey,

Snow in Michigan is cold!! Brrr!!! Arrived this week with no luggage, which, even with all my years of travel, almost never happens. It was a bit like my luggage was on a home alone adventure! I’d planned for it, tagged it and passed it off to the right person, it just didn’t follow me! Luckily for me, for some reason I had 2 sweaters on! I knew it was going to be cold this week, so planned several layers, but usually, I don’t like to carry on a bunch of stuff so in the winter, I wear a light sweater and in the summer, I always have a pashmina, in case the air on the plane is cold, but bare bones! Thankfully, double sweaters!! Guess my luggage told my sweaters I would need them, since my luggage didn’t arrive until after midnight. No jaunts to see Lake Michigan!

Good week, lots of people I’d worked with in the past, so it was a comfortable training week. The hardest part about this week was not getting to bed at a decent hour! As in, I have to get up before 5, and lights out at 1:30! I’m like the worst rebel child when it comes to going to bed! I can just hear my inner 3 yr old saying, “but I’m not tired!” Guess I better fix that tonight!

Been spending a lot of time thinking about my trip to Tanzania 3 yrs ago. Man, Girl, next to walking with you through your cancer journey and you gaining angel wings, that was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. In some ways it feels harder. And I did it so poorly. That’s probably why it still feels hard! I’ve never undertaken something, before, and simply not had the heart to see it through. Had I knot been a world away, I would have packed up my toys and gone home early! It would have been easier to take my heart out of my body and stamp it underfoot. At least that, going in, is consciously impossible. I’ve realized the shame I’ve been carrying around about that trip. My uselessness, my weakness, my neediness. The only thing I did useful on that trip was donate a lot of money and make paper cranes. And learn things about myself I didn’t want to know, and watch others do the hard, anyway!

But, in these last few weeks, I’ve been able to identify the shame, acknowledge it as my past truth, and ask it to take a bow out of my heart and mind and life. I’m not sure it ever served much purpose, except to highlight my arrogance, which was useful for me to recognize, but it certainly is not serving me any longer.

So today, I’m thankful for a broken heart, I’m thankful to recognize that I do have a threshold, over which I am not only reluctant to cross, but perhaps incapable. And that is just the way it is.

I’m thankful others are capable of crossing that threshold into the world of giving and helping and hard, hard work. I’m thankful for guilt and I’m thankful that guilt has served its purpose and is no longer required.

I’m thankful for sweaters and luggage delivery and comfortable work. I’m thankful for snow and crispy air and super thankful that I did not need to be outside in the frigid today!

I love you, I’m headed home…

I’m thankful for today!!

Hummingbird visit

Hi Honey,

Been missing you. I’m in Las Vegas this week. It’s surprisingly colder than I thought it would be. This is the desert, after all, but it maybe got to 45 today! Sunny, though, so beautiful. The mountains around the city got new snow the night before last and were so beautiful yesterday morning. This morning, too, but it was fresh, yesterday morning!!

I keep thinking about when you and I came here together, just the 2 of us. We stayed at Planet Hollywood and played the blackjack and poker machines in that one area! Using the card you bought so we’d know what to hold on and what to trade in. (I don’t think that’s the term… Haha!!) That’s my most precious memory of that trip! Using that dumb card to know what to do! Still lost money, but not much, so that’s OK. We walked miles and miles up and down the strip. Ate. I think we saw a show, but I don’t remember which one. It was way more fun to do Vegas with you than it was with your Dad a few years later. He doesn’t much participate in any of this, so while he was happy to follow along where I wanted to go, that’s not usually the point.

I’ve been catching myself being crabby again, so remembered that I needed to connect with you to let you know about the good things in life. The things I’m thankful for.

Yesterday, I had a pretty good break, so left to get some lunch and then came back to work, but sat in the car to read in some quiet for a little bit. It was nice enough to have a window open, so I enjoyed the fresh air. As I was reading a collection of Maeve Binchy’s short stories, I got buzzed by a hummingbird!! Hi Mama! I always, always think of your Marno when I see a hummer! She didn’t hang around long, and thankfully didn’t come in the window, but it was lovely to get a Marno drive by!

I’m also thankful for sweet thoughts of you and your friends, today. On Monday, your girls represented you to Sigma Kappa in advance of their campus wide Bone Marrow Donor Drive at Colorado School of Mines. I heard they did great and were really able to make you real to the younger sisters presently active in the sorority. 90 girls!! I can’t wait to hear how well they do with their donor recruiting.

This week I’m thankful for happy Grand Opening energy, for too much circus at that self same GO! I’m thankful for time to do some stretching, some yoga, some reading. I’m thankful for a fellow Trainer to have dinner with. I’m thankful for beautiful snow on the mountains in the distance, and a fly-by from my Mama that buzzed my hair. I’m thankful to have lots of people this week that I know and like to work with. That’s always so nice. I’m thankful to get to talk to your brother each day as he’s getting his apartment all put together, including seeking advice from your Auntie. Fun to watch him make a home.

I love you, Sweetheart. I thought about you last week, too, as your sweet hubby called. He’s interviewing to pursue the ministry. I can hardly believe it. Feels strange and yet not otherworldly, for him. I think his sweet bride is really stretched, as she is supporting his searching and seeking and bouncing from idea to idea. Though, she is an idea bouncer, too, so I guess that works for them! I get to hug his little sister, soon, as she and her hubs are heading to Colorado for a vacation in May!! Can’t wait and feel so honored that she has sought out to connect with us on their limited time off. I love that girl!

Took a pause in my chatting with you to finish the work week and get home. The dogs were so happy to have me come home, late though it was. Your Mia girl is my sweet heart and so happy. Sophie rolled in me for a long time. I love how she just ducks her head and rolls into me. She’s going to get her touch in, even if I’m not participating. Mocha, the moose, is happy with her whole body and slamming into me is her way of making a happy greeting. Lacey Jane is beside herself with love as she waits her turn to touch. She looks like a little porcupine as she approaches in submission and love. She drops her head and pulls her back end into and almost under her body. And with her full winter coat, she looks just like a little black porcupine. Which always reminds me of the porcupine you and your Dad ate dinner with when you 2 were camping all those years ago. <3!!

So today, I’m thankful for a good work week. I’m thankful for meaningful work, where I can make a difference. I’m thankful for competent people to work with, and a process that gets everything done. I’m thankful for hummingbirds and porcupines and puppies. I’m thankful for deserts and mountains and fresh air. I’m thankful for the Bone Marrow Donor Registry and Mines’ stem cells and Sigma Kappa sorority sisters and lifelong friends of my girl. I’m thankful for you and the impact you continue to have on the world.

I’m thankful for today!!

Flying geese

(Photo credit Tim Laman)
Hi Lover-Girl,

That sweet endearment just came to mind. My Daddy, your Pops, used it with me and I just assimilated it into my heart.

Today, I start my travel for the year. It’s going to be another busy one, I think. I love the adventure of frequent travel. It’s been about a month since my last work trip, which is long for me. New clothes means I had to try on pants last night to make sure I didn’t need to hem anything. Not that I would have hemmed anything last night! Packing my suitcase takes about 10 minutes as long as laundry is put away and I’ve filled anything that needed filling after I got home from the last trip, which I’m pretty good about. Really don’t like running out of Tylenol, tho running to the store for more isn’t a big deal.

We haven’t even left the gate and already had a medical emergency. I hope he’s OK. I always wonder about those kind of things. Was he already sick and just thought he could muscle through, did something happen suddenly. Hope he’s OK. Thankful he received attention here on the ground before getting into the air! A delay is just not the end of the world, ever!

I went to the Container Store today. I LOVE that place. I know you did, too. I remember you organizing your Stampin’Up stuff. You were so excited to score the standing drawer thing in the clearance section!! Since then, I always check out the clearance corner, just in case… Elfa is on sale! I could Elfa the world! Well, if I had unlimited funds, I could Elfa the world! That stuff is SOOOO expensive. But I did get a couple of things for my closet. Score!

Today is so much warmer than it’s been the rest of the week. I love watching the water run in the gullies in the street as the snow all melts. Miniature waves, coursing around miniature obstacles. Your Grandpa should be happy about the little bit warmer weather. He’s jealous I’m headed to Houston where it will be in the upper 70s!

Honey, I’ve thought of you so much in the last couple of days, the geese are BUSY. Not sure which direction they’re flying, but great groups of them. You always were so excited when the geese started flying south, confirmation for you that summer was wrapping up and winter was coming. I don’t remember you being as excited about their turn north. You preferred the winter to the heat of the summer.

Today I’m thankful for medical personnel available to assist, aisle seats when the plane has to sit on the ground for awhile, easy packing, new pants that didn’t need to be hemmed, geese and they’re travels, the robins that have been hanging around, waves from Marno, I think, as she loved the robins. Antibiotics when necessary, since your brother has either pneumonia or bronchitis. That boy!

I’m thankful for storage solutions, cool ideas, some disposable income to buy something I really don’t need. Blessings abound.

I am thankful for today!!